Monday, March 29, 2010

"Why Does Your Life $uck??" by Jackson Teoh

Hey, fellow readers!
I posted up my "book" cover yesterday and I receive more-than-expected heat from my friends. I thought I was gon'na get 2 to 3 hits only, but it turns out to be more than 30 hits so far. Not a big number, but the "congratulation" wishes from my friends certainly increases my morale.

So... yeah... this is my book about my life.
Published by Penguin books and should be on sales soon.

Some of the comments that I received are like, "This is fake la, Jack..." and "Who photoshop-ed this?" and YES! They are right! It is not a real book but hey! The moral of this cover is very awesome!:
We have to DREAM BIG!!
especially if you are guy...

It would be cool if I can write a book about my life and get a publisher interested to publish it. An angle that I can further explore. :D

Sorry to disappoint any of you who might have thought that this is a real book but be rest assured, I will be publishing a book in the near future. Thanks for your support! Truly touched by the response received from my friends. By the way, my bro hasn't even reached the title of "Tan Sri Datuk Dr." yet. :P

I was inspired to do something that after reading Eric Bischoffs book, called, "Controversy Creates Ca$h". I liked the book cover for its simplicity, so I remodeled the book in my own style.

The message of the "book" is to ask people, "Why do their lives suck??".
Take a good look at all those things that you dislike about your life that made it suck and ask yourself, "Is it really worth caring about things that are sucking my vitality??", "Why not focus on things in my life that doesn't suck and love them more by always trying to bring them into my life?".

I was also inspired to design this book cover because of a friend of mine who I think is going through a hard life. He/She cares a lot about how people feel that he/she hurts himself/herself in the process and studies is really taking its toll on him/her.

If this book is published, I will certainly want to tell people and especially him/her that life does not suck that much. Sure it gets very very hard and painful and we do get nervous breakdowns because of it but we can feel better by saying, "Let's JUST DO IT! I ain't gon'na turn weak by this ordeal!" and maybe just scream, "F*** YOU, PROBLEM!! I WILL BEAT YOU!! F*** YOU!!".

To all those who are supporting me, thank you very much again. I am very proud to have friends like you!

And remember!

-Jackson Teoh

Friday, March 26, 2010

Jackson's Dilemma on Motorcycles

Earlier I blogged about how motorcyclists can be very annoying.
This time, yours truly has found another reason to why motorcyclists are so bloody annoying!
Not only do they make you feel bad for killing them (even though it is very well-known that motorcyclists die because they are RIDING on a motorcycle in the first place), but they annoy you while they are still running around the road.

Below are some sketches drawn by yours truly, Jackson Teoh. It's not a work of art, but come on, I drew it in an hour and I am a beginner at it too :P

So, in Malaysia, one of the main reasons why motorcycles are so annoying is when you are at an intersection, ready to turn to where ever you want. There were no cars and you thought, "Hey! It's time to turn!":
A split-second later, before you could put your plan into practice, a bloody pest comes from your 90degree in very high speed:You can't cross because you risk knocking them over (Quite a dilemma sometimes).
What's worse is that sometimes, these motorcycles run at such slow speed ("slow" as in "eventhough you cross, you still knock them down" slow) that you just gotta say, "Hurry up, you F***! F*** that motorcyclist B******!! F*** them!!", of course, that is IF you have been waiting there for over 20 minutes and still fail to cross.

After they have passed... the terror of waiting is not over:
as CARS start coming in again!
So you have to wait and wait and the process repeats itself until you get a clear road.

So "What is the dilemma?"
When I drive and these things happen, I always thought to myself, "If I cross now, I might just run over a motorcycle, causing his death while I laugh at it." or "I will wait now for another 20 minutes to cross and risk getting honked from the cars behind me and also being beaten up by one of the angry drivers".

Those are sort of like the 2 choices we have to make all the time unless there are no cars behind us to hack us through it!

One more thing is that when you try to avoid being honked and beaten up, you will think to yourself, "Hey, maybe if I drive a little bit into the road, cars will have no choice but to stop." but hey! Okay, they do stop or run you over. If they do, they will give you several honks which make you panic! But I guess better being panic than being slaughtered by drivers...

Damn you motorcycles!
Cross if you got'ta cross because we have no choice but to play along. BUT please, cross quickly! Don't just go in a "If I cross, I will still knock them over" slow-speed!

- Jackson Teoh

Monday, March 22, 2010

How do Lousy Ads turn Effective?

Today, I'm gon'na type about... advertising.
Just read an article online and that guy had some valid points about why some lousy ads turn effective?

He referred more to the ads in telephone books, newspapers, magazines, especially telephone books. Why??

If you open your telephone book, you will see a bunch of pages with ads on them.
The writer of a post saw these ads and they have a similarity. That similarity is that they follow a specific guideline to advertise in the phonebook:

1. {Company name} Insurance Brokers [Inc. / Ltd]

2. [Established / Since] {Year}

3. Home, Auto, Life, Commercial, Industrial, Small Business

4. Quality [Personal] Service

5. Call [Us First] For A Free [No Obligation] Quote

6. {Telephone Number}

7. {Address}

So I got curious and went onto Google to search for phone book ads and to my amazement, they DO follow those set of "Rules"! All of them!

Now, if you are the president of a country of stupid people and you are looking for somebody who is smart besides you and your secretary, let's call her "Pants". Anyways, Pants obeys and goes around your country in-search for the smartest your country has to offer, let's call the country, "Trousers". These people have to go through a mathematics test and the highest of them all will be invited to construct a grand monument for you.

After half a year wandering around, Pants came back to you and said, "Mr. President... I have searched high and low for the smartest person that our beloved Trousers can offer and this is what I found". She called in a man dressed in dirty clothes, holding his maths paper with the left hand and biting his thumbnail on the right hand. You asked her, "Is this the smartest Trousers can offer?"

She replied, "Yes, Mr. President!". "How much did he score?". Pants held up his maths test paper with a mark of 1%. You were like, "What?? That sucks!" and she was like, "But, Mr. President! He scored 1% higher than everybody else!"

When you have a whole page filled with lousy ads, the ad that is the most effective will be the ad that makes the most impact, even if it is lousy!

If you are forced to choose rotten apples, wouldn't you pick the ones that are the least rotten among other rotten apples?

- Jackson Teoh

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Saw 7 in 3D

A movie that freaked me out with its gruesome ways of killing victims.
Victims are picked by Jigsaw (played by Tobin Bell) for a reason (a little more on that later)
Some traps are really sick and it really makes you close your eyes as that victim screams in pain, cries and finally die. An example trap is below:
This is a trap designed to pull your hair. (Only applicable to those people with long hair)
A girls hair was tied up in a spiral and as the gear moves, it will slowly pull her hair off her scalp. And it is not fast too. It's okay if it is fast as you will die less painfully but this... it is so damn slow that you wish that somebody would just take up a gun and shoot you in the head.

A detective must decide whether she will live or die. Jigsaw wrote on the wall, "See as I See" and suggested him to walk away as this girl did something in society that probably caused a death and she never regretted of doing it.

She originally wore a pig mask as above would suggest. The detective wanted to see who she was, so he pulled her mask off, but as the mask was pulled off, a timer starts and the gear started to twist, thus twisting her hair off her head. Now the detective must find for a key or something to save her hair from being pulled off her head. Now, if your whole bunch of hair is being pulled by something, it will also bring along the scalp, which means that your entire scalp will be pulled off from your head (Ouch!!)

She screamed and cried, asking the detective to find the key to open the trap and end her suffering. The detective found it, unlocked it but she stood up and tried to kill the detective as she was warned by Jigsaw that if the detective lives, he will convict her of a crime. The detective pulled out his gun just in time to shoot her dead.

Below is the mastermind, Jigsaw:
So why the hell does jigsaw do this shit?
Is he so inhumane that he loves to kill people in very painful ways?

The answer is this: "Dude! He is a freaking smart guy!"

Why is he smart? Is Jackson Teoh some sick ass who finds amusement in watching people die slowly?

Jigsaw is actually a true human being.
He thinks human beings are becoming less appreciative of what they have and are becoming less of a human. Doctors won't treat patients without enough money. Insurance companies will not issue health insurance due to "procedural errors" to lower societies. Prostitutes, robbers, rapists, sadists, you name it.

He thinks these humans must be taught a lesson. And as we know, humans do not learn anything unless mental or physical pain is inflicted onto him/her. So he designed traps according to the sins done by specific targets. However he always allow his victims to escape his traps, either by sawing off a body part, sacrificing a person, etc. for them to learn their lesson painfully. If they do not, they will slowly and painfully die.

As an example, a thief who used knives as his primary weapon to steal must go through a test where he must press his face through a set of knives to free himself from captivity, a rapist who likes tying up his victims and rape them must poke both of his eyes by pressing 2 buttons (one for the left and the other for the right) to blind himself from ever having the urge to rape women. If they fail to do so, they will die painfully and slowly.

You got'ta watch one of the traps.
It's painful, sometimes I got'ta watch it without sound as they do amplify cracking of bones, splatting of blood, etc.

The Saw series has been very gruesome all this time, I hardly opened my eyes to watch them suffer, now imagine it in 3D:
What the heck??
Are you nuts?

It's like experiencing it for real! SHIT!
Malaysian 3D is really not much, Avatar 3D was over-rated for me and the best 3D I have ever seen was Terminator 2 in 3D in the United States. Nothing beats T2! Malaysian 3D is like... just protruding images and that's it! There's hardly any interaction but IF Saw 7 does have these interactions... I might just dig my own eyes out...

I am not looking forward to the movie in theaters this October but just want to see what other ideas does Jigsaw have for his victims and also Jigsaw's way of thinking. So, maybe I will watch it on Youtube. :P

- Jackson Teoh

Monday, March 8, 2010

Terminator Meets Jesus

Terminator meets Jesus to prevent him from being crucified

It follows the story from Terminator 2 where a remodeled T-800 was sent back to the past to protect John Connor from being killed which will ultimately change the future where robots will take over the world.

Anyways, this time, the existence of Christianity is at stake.
A T-800 was sent from the future to protect Jesus from ever being crucified which will enable him to spread his teachings.
Can't wait for this movie!

- Jackson Teoh

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Confessions of Jackson Teoh on Motorcycles

I was planning on making it a dialogue blogpost where I interview a motorcycle talking about his life. But after awhile, I found out how lame it sounded, so I deleted the whole post and decided to write a more opinion-like blogpost where I talk about... well.. motorcycles.

You see them everywhere in Malaysia, on the streets, beside the road, on the road, in the middle of the car lane. Yes, motorcycles in Malaysia ride on the car lane. It is very annoying when they ride in the middle of it. Based on the Malaysian rule, they are suppose to ride on the left side of the road unless they want to turn to the right not long after riding in the middle.

But some motorcyclists are just being asses that they ride in the middle of the road. I told somebody about my concern for these asses and she was like, "Dude... run them over!".

Talking about running them over, don't people realise how dangerous motorcycles can be?
The death toll in Malaysia is mostly increased by the motorcycles!
You have no protective gear on except for your head. If your helmet is too heavy, a small accident might even break your neck. The rest of your body is exposed to the very serious injuries. I mean... seriously! Can't you see how dangerous that is?

Especially when you collide with a car head-on, you will fly off your motorcycles because motorcycles do not have any seatbelts to hold you back from flying off! The best part is that the last thing you will feel before you die is to feel like SuperMan, before the "CRASH!!" and you start to see the light right before your eyes.

So, if you value your life, get off the road!
If you don't value your life, carry on riding a motorcycle. Because the exciting part of it all is the ability to be SuperMan before you see the light, right? xD

For those in GP races of something. The good part of being on a motorcycle is that you get to ride on a cool bike. And I think the bikes are even happier if they are male-bikes (as people will always portray race bikes as males) because they get to have Race Queens posing next to them. As for the bikes in Kampung (rural) areas... too bad for you. xD Have a look at Mat Minah's daughter and the whole village comes to you with a fork and flatten your tires, break your lights and probably burn you in fire or acid.

Oh, yeah.
And also something about those Daredevils on Motorcycles called, "Mat Rempit" in Malaysia. They are no longer a hot topic in Malaysia. The Mat Rempits must be very sad...

But you do have these buffoons riding their bikes around. Wait... did I say "riding"? No! They are not riding their bikes, they most probably are standing, sleeping, or flying like SuperMan. It was found that they do it because they have always loved the Man of Steel and wanted to be like him.

They tried riding on airplanes but they are just not satisfied because the wind isn't blowing into their faces and they can't collide with anything and penetrate them like SuperMan. So they resulted in flying on their motorcycles and try to penetrate a truck like SuperMan. They eventually tried that but learned a very good lesson, "SuperMan is only fiction"

- Jackson Teoh

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Borderlands (Awesome, Good, Not bad, Pass, Boring or Lame?)

Today I am gon'na do a review on Borderlands.
Just finished the game yesterday on the 1st of March.
Had a really good time shooting people, especially when you get to see them melt to crisp.

Let's start with graphics.
Their graphics are unique. It is sort of like the Okami type of graphics where it looks as if it is being painted. But not as excessively like Okami. They have a unique kind of graphic that make things work smoothly but at the same time, you know that it is like a cartoon game. Unlike the Final Fantasy series where everything looks real.

Eventhough the graphics may seem like a cartoon, it actually isn't as well!
Maybe some of them do, but a lot of them looks very realistic too!
I guess it is the mixture of both worlds that made it look so unique.

Their gameplay is by far, the biggest plus in the game.
Their controls are very nicely done as everything is pretty nice to press and comfortable according to your need. There is no need for you to press mindless button combination in order to perform your special ability. Just a press of a button and your special ability is unleashed.

Oh, yeah. This game is a first-person shooter game.
Pretty much like any other shooter games, but the difference is the exploration part of the game. Sometimes exploring the maps might be a little boring because of their dull music, but there are very few first-person shooter games that allow you to explore. Imagine if Modern Warfare 2 allows exploration and also co-op on exploration, that would be really something! Borderlands allows up to 4 players to play, each playing as one of the 4 characters available.

You basically go around killing monsters and also collecting loot but the fun part is actually the killing part as there are many weapons to collect and try. And seriously... there are MANY weapons! Pick up a gun and try using it, it might not be powerful, but the feeling of shooting through a new gun adds a new taste into the whole gameplay. Especially after you've found alien weaponry, you would wan'na use it just to see how it can instantly kill a hard-to-beat enemy.

Characters & story.
The characters in the game are not very well-developed as it is pretty much affected by the story. The story is very simple and you won't even notice it while playing the game! Since this game is on mission basis, a lot of the storyline will just slip away as you always try to go to the next area and the next and the next, etc.

The main characters are also not that well-developed as you are the quiet hero. You don't talk much. It is much like Digital Devil Saga but at least you have your friends to make you into somebody. As for Borderlands, you are pretty much... YOU! Your character does not have any special characteristic.
ClapTrap is sort of like a helper that you find along the way.
It is a small tin box that can talk and guide you through missions and inform you when a new mission pops up. He does the most talking in the game as he keeps reminding you of new missions. If you are far away from it, it will dance, sing or just roll around. If you go near it, it "shies" away and just stares at your face.

In the ending, they left a sort of comedic "clue" to who is the next big boss:
This is the ending, the last scene that you will see in the game with that background.
This game is based on comedy and having an ending that is not really an ending, like the evil ClapTrap seems okay. It might just be a practical joke, but who knows?

Eitherway, this game is an awesome game.
It might get a little boring walking around, but the missions can actually keep you on the "Go". Enjoy shooting people or things and you will pretty much enjoy this game. Especially when you are stressed out, owns an alien gun and wants to shoot somebody, this game is definitely for you.

They even made an online video as part of their promotion, ClapTrap as the director:

My rating: Awesome!

- Jackson Teoh